“A great many men’s gratitude is nothing but a secret desire to hook in more valuable kindnesses hereafter.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We live in an era of compulsory gratefulness. Ministers scold us to thank God for all His blessings. New Age gurus demand an “attitude of gratitude.” We’re told we must give thanks for the slightest of gifts. It’s all about being grateful, if we want to create a life lived humbly yet well.

Well, gratitude, shmatitude.

Really, you lazy person, what have you done to be so filled with all this grateful goo? More importantly, what, exactly, did you do to express your gratitude? Did you just talk about it? Well, shut up. Go do something useful for once. And don’t talk about it.

“A man’s indebtedness is not virtue; his repayment is. Virtue begins when he dedicates himself actively to the job of gratitude.”  – Ruth Benedict

Herded toward the corral of gratitude, most of us routinely mouth about how grateful we are. Then we show how deep our gratitude is in the most insubstantial, inadequate, even inane ways.

In fact, gratitude may be the smuggest of sentiments, the world’s most selfish act this side of suicide. Its adherents are too often filled with an oozy glow devoid of any corresponding action. As we expand the grasp of our gratitude, we do little to show we actually mean it.

“Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts.” – Henri F. Amiel

The point? Words matter. We should give thanks, of course, but that’s different. Those are words, hopefully heartfelt. We should practice acts of gratitude, not just hollow attitudes of gratitude. Attitude is nothing but show. Until you’ve earned it, don’t use it. And don’t gloat about how much of it you have either, because that isn’t the point.

As a small example, what happened the last time you were treated to a lovely dinner in someone’s home, where they created a fabulous meal wrapped in lively conversation? They went to a lot of trouble. You had a wonderful time.  Then you went home.

Did you a) begin planning how to create in turn a similarly wonderful experience; b) dash off a crappy little 20-word email and hit “send;” or c) uh, forget to do anything?

Chances are, you said “B,” and counted yourself a well-bred yet technologically modern person. Or maybe you just said “C,” and forgot to count at all. Could you at least have taken the time to write a thoughtful Thank You card in longhand, stamp and address and mail it?

There’s little in the way of actual gratitude on display here. And it only gets worse the more we embrace the attitude without the action.

“It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.” –Roberto Benigni

This imbalance occurs because we actively misread what many different spiritual teachers and practices have long said. And we do it because it’s easier this way.

Taoists describe a circular, balanced life in their yin and yang.  Each complements the other, and completes the whole. Vajrayana (Tantric) Buddhism suggests a unity of opposites, words and action, in building to an EnMore recent spiritual teachers such as Arnold Patent also tell us to put our lives where our mouths

“A great many men’s gratitude is nothing but a secret desire to hook in more valuable kindnesses hereafter.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We live in an era of compulsory gratefulness. Ministers scold us to thank God for all His blessings. New Age gurus demand an “attitude of gratitude.” We’re told we must give thanks for the slightest of gifts. It’s all about being grateful, if we want to create a life lived humbly yet well.

Well, gratitude, shmatitude.

Really, you lazy person, what have you done to be so filled with all this grateful goo? More importantly, what, exactly, did you do to express your gratitude? Did you just talk about it? Well, shut up. Go do something useful for once. And don’t talk about it.

“A man’s indebtedness is not virtue; his repayment is. Virtue begins when he dedicates himself actively to the job of gratitude.”  – Ruth Benedict

Herded toward the corral of gratitude, most of us routinely mouth about how grateful we are. Then we show how deep our gratitude is in the most insubstantial, inadequate, even inane ways.

In fact, gratitude may be the smuggest of sentiments, the world’s most selfish act this side of suicide. Its adherents are too often filled with an oozy glow devoid of any corresponding action. As we expand the grasp of our gratitude, we do little to show we actually mean it.

“Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts.” – Henri F. Amiel

The point? Words matter. We should give thanks, of course, but that’s different. Those are words, hopefully heartfelt. We should practice acts of gratitude, not just hollow attitudes of gratitude. Attitude is nothing but show. Until you’ve earned it, don’t use it. And don’t gloat about how much of it you have either, because that isn’t the point.

As a small example, what happened the last time you were treated to a lovely dinner in someone’s home, where they created a fabulous meal wrapped in lively conversation? They went to a lot of trouble. You had a wonderful time.  Then you went home.

Did you a) begin planning how to create in turn a similarly wonderful experience; b) dash off a crappy little 20-word email and hit “send;” or c) uh, forget to do anything?

Chances are, you said “B,” and counted yourself a well-bred yet technologically modern person. Or maybe you just said “C,” and forgot to count at all. Could you at least have taken the time to write a thoughtful Thank You card in longhand, stamp and address and mail it?

There’s little in the way of actual gratitude on display here. And it only gets worse the more we embrace the attitude without the action.

“It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.” –Roberto Benigni

This imbalance occurs because we actively misread what many different spiritual teachers and practices have long said. And we do it because it’s easier this way.

Taoists describe a circular, balanced life in their yin and yang.  Each complements the other, and completes the whole. Vajrayana (Tantric) Buddhism suggests a unity of opposites, words and action, in building to an EnMore recent spiritual teachers such as Arnold Patent also tell us to put our lives where our mouths